FBF #49: What You Can Learn from my Weight Loss Journey

Five insights to help you follow through with your New Year’s resolutions

Before we begin, I have some really exciting news. On Wednesday, I hosted my most popular webinar ever: Barakah Secrets: 5 Steps to Smarter Studying. Alhamdulillah, we had 390 registrants from all over the world! We also launched our brand new course that begins in two weeks Barakah-Boosted Study Skills and we have already enrolled a number of students. Check out the webinar recording to find a special discount code at the end.

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I really like the NFL. As a New England resident during the Patriot’s dynasty, this came naturally. (And yes, I can feel your schadenfreude at the pitiful state of this year’s Patriots. Let’s not talk about it.)

I also really like insightful analysis and good writing. For many years, my favorite football writer was Bill Barnwell. He is to football what Nate Silver is to politics. He invents statistics I have never heard of to analyze aspects of the game I have never considered. 

One day in January 2016, Barnwell posted an article on Medium: “The Easiest Way to Lose 125 Pounds Is to Gain 175 Pounds.” In it, he described how years of benign neglect morphed into a food addiction that led him to be morbidly obese (5’11”, 334 lbs).

Over the course of one year, through some modest lifestyle changes—1800-2400 calories per day and 30 minutes on the elliptical—Barnwell managed to shed nearly 120 pounds and land at the weight of 208 on December 31.

Around this time, I had been binging on another guilty pleasure, a reality TV show called My 600-lb Life. These stories of men and women whose weight had spiraled out of control had a peculiar effect on me: on the one hand, they reassured me, “I look nothing like that. I still play tennis three times a week.” On the other, I worried that they could be the Ghost of Christmas (Eid?) Future if I didn’t start to take charge of my weight.

I have always been on the big side. One of the only “fights” I ever got in was at Camp Becket when I was in about 6th grade and a camper called me “Marshallmallow,” riffing off my birth name of Marshall. In high school, I was the “nucleus” of the offensive line, lending my significant girth to protect the QB and open up holes for running backs for the 1-7 St. Mark’s Lions. I didn’t really think much about my weight then, having internalized that this is just the way things were.

A Turning Point

The Barnwell article and My 600-lb Life episodes planted the seeds, but there were a few specific incidents that caused them to germinate and take root. The first was a school field trip to Launch, a trampoline park in Norwood. Physical humor in the vein of Chris Farley has always been my thing, so I asked a student to film me as I performed a mildly ridiculous “King Kong” routine.

In the video (which I have uploaded here with much trepidation), I jump on the trampoline, flexing mid-air, and then bounce a few times before landing with a resounding thud on the median strip between two trampolines. When I watched the video, with my chest and stomach straining the buttons on my XXL shirt, it hit home how much my weight had gotten out of control.

Around this time, my wife made a New Year’s vow to not do any online shopping in 2018–surely a more difficult challenge for her than any I have ever taken on. And an idea that had been on the back burner began to make its way to the front.

The moment that I actually made the decision to take control of my weight, however, was at the hole-in-the-wall Indian restaurant in Somerville. I was with David, a student I had taught years ago, who went from never having picked up a racket to being a force on the tennis court under my tutelage.

As I dug into my heaping portion of paya (cow feet), he said, “Mr. Henshaw, have you ever thought about doing something about your weight?” This simple question was one of the first times anyone had directly asked me the question that had long been percolating in my mind. Usually, people tiptoe around issues like this, afraid to cause offense, but David’s straightforward, sincere question had a catalytic effect on my motivation to change.

He then took out his phone and opened up an app that would change my life: My FitnessPal. He was logging his caloric intake, a habit he had been doing for years. “But you don’t have anything to worry about your weight,” I protested. “Exactly, ever wonder why?”

My Resolution

One of my defining characteristics is my stubbornness. When I make a big decision, which often seems to come out of nowhere, I stick to it. When David showed me that app, I pledged that I’d start logging my calories for one year.

Thus, my weight loss journey began on January 27, 2018. Over the course of about 10 months, I went from 307 lbs to 209 before settling in around 220, a baseline I was able to comfortably maintain for three years. The specifics of the journey are interesting, and I’ll share a few tips below that may help others who want to undertake a similar challenge, but the real key to my success began with that intention at the Indian restaurant.

As the Prophet Muhammad (saw) explained in hadith that is foundational to our faith, “Actions are [rewarded] according to intentions, and everyone will get what he intended.”

As we begin the new year and our resolutions are still fresh, I wanted to share five insights to help us transform our ambitious goals into tangible successes.

1) Eat the Frog

This is actually a time management technique that I have co-opted as decision-making framework. It states that every morning you should begin by tackling the least pleasant, most dreaded task that you have been procrastinating on. The thinking is that even if that is the only productive thing you get done that day, you will have moved the needle forward.

I extend this amphibian metaphor to any major challenge we are facing—the first resolution you have to make is to eat the frog.

One of the best ways to figure out what we really NEED to do is to take stock of whatever we are most dreading. What topic are we constantly brushing under the rug, hoping that it will go away. For some it is getting their finances in order, for others it might be starting an exercise routine, for me it was taking control of my weight.

Once you find your frog, attack it with single-minded focus. Come up with a plan to get 1% better every day—and the results will be exponential. As the old proverb goes, “We often underestimate what we can accomplish in a day, and underestimate what we can do in a year.”

2) Al-Deen Naseeha

There is a beautiful, ultra short hadith in which the Prophet (SAWS) said: “Al-deen naseeha” or “This religion is advice.”

One of our duties as Muslims is to “call towards good and prevent from evil.” Despite this, in my experience, most Muslims fall into two extremes. They either walk on eggshells, never sharing advice because they don’t want to step on any toes or offend anyone. Or they aggressively chastise anyone and anything that runs contrary to their interpretation of the deen, forgetting the ayah, “invite towards your Lord with wisdom and good manners.”

As always, we need to find the middle ground between these two extremes and work up the courage to give sincere, direct advice with wisdom and good manners, just as David did at that Indian restaurant.

The head of my old school gave a great tip for how to share advice with someone who might be resistant to it. Preface your counsel with the words, “with love in my heart.” This disarms the listener and causes them to hear your words instead of just your voice.

3) The “Lifestyle Change” Mindset

Diets fail because they are, by definition, temporary. If you want a transformation to stick, you need to reframe it as a lifestyle change.

During my heavyweight days, I paid no attention to my caloric intake. Whenever I went to BJ’s, I would buy a huge carton of cashews, which I would then devour by the handful. Once I started paying attention to dietary labels, I realized that my nutty snacks that I ate so mindlessly contained up to 2000 calories.

Once I began paying attention to what I was actually consuming, I realized the importance of balance. I didn't have to completely give up cashews or other favorites; instead, I had to learned to enjoy them in moderation.

This was a game-changer. It meant I could still enjoy the foods I loved, but I became more conscious of portion sizes and the frequency of indulgences. This was not just a diet but a sustainable way of living.

The key to durable change, then, lies in embracing the concept of a lifestyle change, rather than a temporary fix. This mindset shift is crucial because it fosters a holistic and sustainable approach to health and well-being. When we view our journey as a lifestyle change, we are not just altering our diet for a short period; we are reprogramming our habits and attitudes towards food and nutrition.

Yes, I did use calorie counting as my method, but what this led to was a healthier relationship with food.

4) The Nitty Gritty

I know some of you might want specifics about how I lost all the weight.

First, I downloaded the MyFitnessPal app (I have since migrated to LoseIt). It asked me a few questions: Current weight? Average amount of exercise? Goal weight? How many pounds per week do you want to lose?

My original #s: 307 lbs, moderate exercise, 200 lb goal weight, 2 lbs per week.

The algorithm did its calculations and told me that my initial daily calorie goal was 2800 calories/day and that I would lose the weight by December 31.

2800 seemed (still does!) incredibly generous, and it made me shudder at how many calories I must have been consuming before. Sure enough, within a few days I found it very easy to stay well under that threshold, often stopping closer to 2500.

The initial results were encouraging. I dropped close to 15 pounds the first month. There is a fitbit integration that gives you more calories on days you exercise, but I made the decision never to “eat” my exercise calories.

The real key to the whole system is that it forced me to measure everything. I bought a kitchen scale and would type in the exact number of grams of everything I ate. The single best feature of MyFitnessPal and LoseIt, which is now sadly behind a paywall, is the barcode scanner. This allows you to scan any product and instantly pull up its nutrition data.

People ask me if I stopped eating carbs, etc. The answer is no. I didn’t really pay much attention to WHAT I was eating. ALL I did was keep close track of my calories, and I very rarely went over my goal. Carbs are obviously quite caloric, so I’m sure I did cut back, but simply because I was following the numbers.

I didn’t have a “cheat day” either, though I’m sure that I could have. For most people weight loss is incredibly simple: burn more calories than you consume. All the apps do is figure out the calorie deficit you need to maintain to hit your goals and then help you reach your goals if you fill them in religiously.

By the end, my daily calorie allowance was down to 1800, which was a bit tougher. I ultimately hit a plateau around 220 lbs. I liked what I was seeing in the mirror and decided to switch to a “maintain” plan.

I stopped logging my calories, but it didn’t matter; I had made a lifestyle change.

5) Hodgepodge of Other Ideas

There is so much more to be said about building habits and following through with resolutions. If you are one of the few who hasn’t read Atomic Habits by James Clear, that should be your next read.

Some people find the X-effect to work well for them. You just decide on a habit you are trying to inculcate and then mark a calendar with an X every time you hit your mark. The visual of stacking up of X’s is very motivating, and you can give yourself a reward for each successful month.

If you need a little extra motivation and would like to work with a coach, I recommend you check out my good friend and fellow “deenpreneur” Adam Kaan’s Fit Life Dad Mastery program, which promises to help high-achieving Muslim men lose up to 28 kg (61lbs) in 12 weeks.

Finally, telling other people about your goals is another way to make sure they stick.

In this spirit, I will share that my weight has begun to creep back up. I stepped on the scale the other day and it read 250, the highest number I’ve seen in 5 years.

On January 1, I updated my LoseIt app and am now back at it. Apparently, I’ll hit my goal weight by July 31. Stay tuned and hold me accountable by giving sincere advice if you see me slipping up.

Until next Friday inshAllah…

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I always wonder how many people read to the end of my articles. If you’ve gotten this far and found it beneficial, hit the heart button and give it a like. Even better, also share a comment about your goals for 2024.