Five Before Five #3: Escaping the Velvet Rut

A weekly newsletter blending insights from western thinkers with the evergreen wisdom of Islam

Take Advantage of Your Wealth Before Your Poverty

The third installment of Five Before Five brings us to the third portion of our anchor hadith: “Take advantage of your wealth before your poverty.” My ideas around wealth have shifted more dramatically than any others over the past few years. I have always had a complicated relationship with money and worldy ambition.

When I became Muslim, I discovered a purpose that superseded concerns of this world, or so I thought. I had a near mystical conviction that if I just focused on developing my faith, then Allah would open doors for me as He saw fit. When recruiters from Fortune 500 companies descended on my senior class at Harvard like carrion feeders, I stayed far away, sure that a career in corporate America would erode my faith. When my peers were heading off to Wall Street and towards lucrative consulting gigs, I was packing my sleeping bag for a four-month spiritual retreat in Pakistan and India. Upon returning, many of those doors that I had shut before they were open had now become locked.

In retrospect, I had resolved the big picture but had forgotten to sweat the small stuff. Finding Islam at the age of 15 meant that I had a worldview that extended to eternity. I had discovered my purpose in life—to worship and glorify my Creator—but I forgot to read the fine print that said you had to figure out how to thrive in this world to achieve eternal felicity in the next.

After a brief flirtation with Islamic finance, I stumbled into a career in education with little planning and no cohesive long-term vision. Eventually, I lit upon the dream of founding a top-flight Muslim boarding school that would combine best practices of the private schools of my youth with the classical pedagogy of the Islamic tradition. For many years I kept this idea percolating on the back burner, convinced that things would just develop on their own when the time was right. Way led on to way, and eventually I carved out a great life for myself as Assistant Head of Al-Noor Academy, New England’s first full-time Islamic high school. My lifestyle was low stress and high (but narrow) impact. I had plenty of time for long walks and tennis. Best of all, I was able to spend the entire summer with my family by the ocean in achingly beautiful Blue Hill, Maine.

As I crested the age of 40, however, I began to question some of my life decisions. The pandemic exposed me to the work-from-home lifestyle and the magical classroom management tool of the mute button. I suddenly had even more freedom, and I realized how much I had come to bristle at the frustrating extras of a teacher’s life like re-directing aberrant student behavior and covering for absent colleagues. I longed for the lockdown days when I was more-or-less in control of my own schedule and when I would get in half of my 20,000 steps before the school day had even begun.

But other, darker thoughts that I had long suppressed began to creep in during that year of isolation. Was I a case study in wasted potential? Had I squandered my most productive years toiling in the trenches of an underfunded institution? The answer I came up with was my old standby: yes and no. By virtue of my pedigree, academic and otherwise, I was well positioned to adopt a top-down model of impacting society from above. But I had always stuck to my guns and focused on developing myself and young Muslims to transform the world from the bottom up. Was there a way to do both? Could it be possible to collate all the wisdom from my years in the trees to push through changes that could reshape the forest? Increasingly, I began to realize, the answer was yes.

But first, I had to build up the courage to make a change, to expand the vision of what was possible, to risk disrupting a fulfilling lifestyle by taking a risk on pursuing a dream. This is the topic that I want to focus on today: escaping the velvet rut.

At several points in my life, I have found myself stuck. I have felt stifled professionally. I have concluded that I had reached the ceiling of what I could gain from that opportunity. But it was extremely hard to make a change. I was afraid to upset the proverbial apple cart because life was so comfortable! This is where the velvet comes in. I was stuck in a rut, but its walls were so smooth and soft that it was difficult to build the traction to pull myself out.

Patience has always been a virtue of mine, but in excess, patience can become a vice. I suspect that there are others in similar situations, especially the more idealistic among us who have pursued careers linked to our passions. We have allowed ourselves to get stuck in comfortable situations that are no longer stretching us. We have worried about what would happen to our institutions if we moved on. We have felt guilty that a change in scenery might imply a change in our core intentions. Many of us choose a vague sense of unhappiness over the uncertainty of trying something new.

I want to provide five ideas that have, inshAllah, helped me dig out of the velvet rut.

1. Fear Setting

Last year I listened to a TED talk that had a profound impact on my life. The topic was fear-setting, or in the words of the Stoics, premeditatio malorum (“the pre-meditation of evils”). Centuries ago, Seneca urged us to “rehearse [our fears] in our mind: exile, torture, war, shipwreck.” The basic concept is that instead of focusing on our goals, we should instead focus on naming our fears. Use our imagination to dream up the worst possible outcomes if we make whatever change we are contemplating. And then be honest about how likely and durable these outcomes would be. Tim Ferriss explains the results of this thought experiment thus:

“I realized that on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being nothing and 10 being permanently life-changing, my so-called worst-case scenario might have a temporary impact of 3 or 4 … On the other hand, if I realized my best-case scenario or even a probable-case scenario, it would easily have a permanent 9 or 10 positive life-changing effect. In other words, I was risking an unlikely and temporary 3 or 4 for a probable and permanent 9 or 10, and I could easily recover my baseline workaholic prison with a bit of extra work if I wanted to.” (7 Step Checklist for Overcoming Fear)

I highly encourage anyone feeling stuck in a rut and afraid to make a change to take an hour or so to complete this fear setting exercise that I have used with my students with great success.

2. Adopt a Bias for Action

Analysis paralysis is the Achilles’ heel of many a perfectionist. We are always telling ourselves that we will make a change “someday soon” or “when the time is right.” So what is the antidote to serial procrastination? Adopt a bias for action. Action always trumps inaction, even when it fails.

When I was doing my Master’s in TESOL at the SIT Graduate Institute, I was exposed to the concept of the U-shaped curve. This is the tendency for ESL students to initially form irregular verbs correctly (went, fell) because they have learned these forms via imitation. Later, however, they learn the rule that the past tense is formed by the addition of –ed. They overgeneralize the rule and create deviant forms (e.g. goed, falled). During the third and final stage, they are again able to distinguish between regular and irregular verbs, forming them all correctly. Their grammatical “mistake” is actually evidence of forward motion.

This metaphor of the U-shaped curve, and the paradox of progress, can be applied to many aspects of life. For example, there is a fantastic Atlantic article called The Real Roots of Midlife Crisis, which explains the U shape of happiness, which tends to bottom out in our early to mid 40s.

In this context, I recommend breaking out of the velvet rut by simply taking action, no matter how tentative or unsure you are. You have to start before you see the end and build momentum one step at a time. Even if things don’t immediately work out, be confident that you are pushing the ball forward on the U-shaped curve. As I was writing this, I received James Clear’s amazing 3-2-1 newsletter with this nugget of wisdom:

“Momentum goes both ways.

Don’t move, feel sluggish. Start moving, feel like moving a little more.

Don't talk, feel timid. Start chatting, conversation gets a little easier.

Don't ship, feel stuck. Start creating, ideas begin to flow."

3. Rizq isn’t Risky

The Quran and hadith are filled with messages about rizq, variously translated as “sustenance” or “livelihood.” One of the 99 names of Allah is “Al-Razzaq” or “the Provider.” Fundamentally, as Muslims we are exhorted to believe that Allah is in control of providing for all our needs whether financial, emotional, or spiritual. Yet so many of us pay only lip service to this belief. We put tremendous pressure on ourselves because we feel that it is our efforts alone that are leading to our success. We have lost the quality of tawakkul, a reliance on God coupled with human effort.

There is a beautiful ayah in the Quran that states:

There is not a single moving creature on the earth but Allah is responsible for providing its sustenance. He knows where it dwells and where it will permanently rest. All this is recorded in a clear Book. (11:6)

Along similar lines, there is a hadith that states:

Umar ibn al-Khattab reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If you were to rely upon Allah with the reliance due to Him, He would provide for you just as He provides for the birds. They go out in the morning with empty stomachs and return full.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2344

Allah is Al-Razzaq. It is He who is providing for our needs. All that we must do is put the effort in to unlock His sustenance by “going out in the morning.” This understanding that rizq is not risky is incredibly freeing and can help us build up the courage when contemplating making a professional change.

4. Invest in the S & Me 500

This phrasing comes from Alex Hormozi. The basic idea is that we can expect a 10x return by investing in ourselves, which far outstrips the ~10% return we might expect by investing in an S & P 500 index fund. While I highly recommend that we do not neglect traditional investment in the equities market, there is still great wisdom in this advice. This is a similar concept to one that Robert Kiyosaki championed in his seminal Rich Dad, Poor Dad—we should invest in ourselves first.

So what does this look like in practice? Be willing to pay for coaching, mentorship, and internships. We spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on our college educations but then balk at spending $500 or $1000 for a course that will build new skills and connect us to a tribe of mentors and will likely pay for itself many times over.

In recent years, there has been an explosion of online courses taught be extraordinary individuals who are sharing the secrets to their success. Here are a few that I have either already taken or am considering enrolling in.

a.       The Heart of Design: I just finished this five-week course taught by Peter Gould, an Australian Muslim convert with many years of experience in the design field. It is aimed at helping aspiring entrepreneurs align their spiritual aspirations with their professional journeys. In addition to the inspiring lectures, it gives you access to an incredible community of like-hearted creatives and dreamers.

b.       Earnable: I have not yet taken this one yet, but I hope to the next time it is offered. It is taught by Ramit Sethi, author of I Will Teach You to be Rich. It provides detailed playbooks, scripts, and tactics to help you generate entrepreneurial ideas and then turn your ideas into a reality.

c.       DiscoverU: I have taken two classes, NicheHero & Visionaire Legacy Edition, with this organization taught by the inimitable Muhammad Al-Shareef (RA) who tragically died in 2022. DiscoverU is continuing to teach transformational courses to honor his legacy, including ones about raising the power of our du’a in Ramadan.

d.       Ship 30 for 30: This course is on my to-take list. It focuses on transforming writing online from a hobby to a viable business. Taught by Dickie Bush & Nicolas Cole, the real value proposition seems to be to join a community of writers who can help guide and support you on your journey while holding you accountable. They have you build the writing habit by publishing something every 30 days—a transformative exercise I experienced last year when publishing my 30 College Essays in 30 Days.

e.       ProductiveMuslim: While I have not yet taken this course, dozens of my friends have, and all rave about the experience. It focuses on the concept of embracing “barakah culture” over “hustle culture” and using the model of our beloved Prophet (PBUH) to lead productive lives in the modern world. I had the opportunity to meet the founder, Mohammed Faris, during a trip to Dallas in December, and he has become an important mentor in my entrepreneurial journey. They have an upcoming retreat in Bosnia that looks amazing!

5. Vaccinate Yourself Against Excusitis

This concept comes from a book I mentioned in the first edition of Five Before Five, The Magic of Thinking Big. A couple of weeks ago, I had my students collaboratively create slides for each chapter of this book in my “Entrepreneurship for Teens” class. This chapter was one of the most influential. The basic idea is that we need to inoculate ourselves against the “failure disease” of making excuses. David Schwartz systematically dismantles health excusitis, intelligence excusitis, age excusitis, and luck excusitis. If you find yourself stuck in a velvet rut, take some time to listen to the excuses you are making, and “stop the spread” by taking the vaccine.

I will close by asking a question that I have often heard Tim Ferriss ask: How are you complicit in creating the conditions you say you don’t want? If you find yourself stuck in a velvet rut, contemplating this question can go a long way towards helping you earn your freedom.